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kiki finds that a good time is always at least worth a couple of bucks.

So What is This About?

Jonny Panick
Jonny Panick is the emcee of the Cabaret Kiki, and the only other member of the troupe, besides Caramella, to have known Mme. Kiki herself. Jonny was the grandson and esteemed pupil of Kiki, though his status was quickly eclipsed by the sudden appearance of Caramella at their boardinghouse. Though Jonny made many attempts to regain his grandmother’s esteemed attention—usually with elaborate magic tricks, including one rather unfortunate routine involving a blindfold, a saw, and an ill-fated raccoon—Jonny was never again the object of her focus. Thus, Jonny set out to make a name for himself doing what he does best: offending people. And judging from the faces of audience members upon exiting the theatre, he has wildly succeeded.


Caramella Guillotine

Caramella Guillotine is descended from the wandering Eastern European tribe of the Roma Gypsies and is the granddaughter of Dr. Joesph Guillotine. Dr. Guillotine was the product of a clandestine tryst between a post-revolution aristocrat and a young, caramel-colored girl who, when scorned by the family of her upper-class lover, bestowed her son with the name his father would deny. Caramella is the last person in France to carry this name, making her both an outcast and an enigma. After fending for herself for several years, Caramella was discovered by famed entertainer Mme. Kiki, who was drawn by beautiful singing to a clearing behind a mill, where twelve-year old Carmella was hunched over, trapping butterflies under rocks on the railroad tracks.


Baron Von Climacus

Baron von Climacus was born in Copenhagen, Denmark, where he desperately clung to the lowest ring of aristocracy. To his family’s embarrassment, he insisted on refining his noble arrogance and appreciation of finery, and continued to demand dignified treatment. At his father’s urging, the Baron moved to the States in hopes of exploiting his title among ignorant, lowly Americans. He perpetually complains about his living conditions and remains fixedly bored at all times. He begrudgingly enjoys Mozart, Ashton Classic Magnum cigars, and sipping Dr. Pepper through a Twizzler straw.


Cum Sum Yun Gai

Cum Sum Yung Gai is an exotic dish who hails from the Orient, via Columbia, South Carolina. She is perhaps the most prolifically amorous of the cast, and, according to her gentlemen callers, she enjoys mixing the flavors of the flesh with those of egg rolls and a cup of Lapsang Souchong.




Hansel und Gretel

Hans and Gretel are the only pair of fraternal Siamese twins in existence. To protect the identities and futures of the polyzygotic Hungarian twins, their mother had them separated at birth and sent to different foster homes. After a synchronistic meeting at Graceland, the two shared stories and scars, and began to unravel their bizarre connection. The two have been indivisible ever since, and are the reigning champions of the three-legged race at Cabaret Kiki’s annual field-day picnic.